Well It Took Ya Long Enough!!

Yes, it has been a month since I last graced your retinas with a non-explicit yet oft-prolific exaggeration of the storied life we lead. In the past weeks especially, I have been the target of enough grief to make Charlie Brown rue the day he first uttered his alliterative catch phrase. The bottom line exists - I need to document the whirlwind of a life I have led this past month so it can fill the hearts of my fans (read: fan) while they sit (read: while John sits) at home unemployed eating far too many chicken finger subs and drinking far too much beer (read: as written).

The problem my friends (a term used loosely because I have no control over who reads this and I would never call Son of Sam a friend again after he ate my lunch that one day at work when it clearly had my name on it) is this: my computer done broke itself. Those who have experienced the blue screen of death may think they know what this feels like, but they have never experienced the blue screen of ridicule and mockery. My laptop taunts my attempts to turn it on. And so, the only time I'm operating a computer that works is when I'm at work, leaving me to do work (novel concept) and not write about Doodle's month long stay, an overnight camping trip in St. John, "The Night The Gang Beat Up A Random Creepster", four days of rain that Annmarie brought with her, the complete history of the Clousers with a special section dedicated to a Guinness World Record holder, the vegetarian catamaran and most recently the return of DB and a very groundhog birthday.

To put it plainly, I have a lot of work ahead of me. I also have three and a half hours left in my shift and a track record of writing all my papers the night before they are due with beer in hand, affirming my "game-day player" status. Hold on to your hairpiece, these fingers are flying.