Meatmare On Elm Street

Just another night around the apartment. Blast through the door after a few drinks at one of the many fine establishments on island, hungry as all get out, end up vegging out on the couch or playing guitar on the balcony. Except tonight was going to be different, because tonight I was going to cook a milk-steak.

Preparing a milk-steak is easy. I took out our finest cookie sheet and put it on the stove, poured in just enough milk to coat the sheet, took a two pound block of frozen meat from the freezer and proceeded to drop the whole mass of meat in - still frozen. Okay it wasn't a milk-steak, maybe more of a milk-burger. But, I personally thought it tasted delicious. DC disagreed. Kiersten didn't eat any because she is a vegetarian. Which brings me to the point of this particular posting (the milk-steak was just an appetizer (pun!)) - meatmares.

I've never had a meatmare, but that's because I don't qualify. Apparently its a phenomenon that happens when one decides to become a vegetarian. About a month into it, one might start to have nightmares that depict meat in a frightening situation.

I envision it like this: you fall asleep. You are sleeping soundly, dreaming about when you were a kid, playing touch football with your friends. Derek calls "hike!" and drops back while you streak down the right side of the street. He sees you and guns a pass deep past their coverage that you have a chance at if you run your hardest. So you dig every ounce of grit you can and are about to make the catch... and that's when the ball turns into a leg of lamb. Another scenario involves the plot of Nightmare on Elm Street except Freddy Kreuger's knife-fingers are now cooked-bacon-fingers. Sounds frightfully delicious.

We went online to ask my good friend Google if this phenomenon actually exists. I want to share with you this quote from someone who responded to a post on www.veggieboards.com:

I've only had a couple meatmares and they were within the first month or so of going vegetarian. They both completely freaked me out.
In the first dream I was eating a plate of meat. When I looked up I saw that I was in my car and the meat was from a rotting deer carcass that was sitting upright in the passenger seat with its ribcage exposed.
In the second dream, I (forgetting that I was vegetarian) put some chicken in the microwave. When I looked in the microwave, I saw that it wasn't chicken at all, but my kitty Oliver who was in the microwave.

I contest that meamares do not exist, and that this person is just batshit crazy.

We were introduced to meatmares by (none other than) Rae Rae. She asked Kiersten if she's ever had a meatmare and Kier got this "just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this" look on her face and just stared until poor VR looked away. I guess she didn't totally redeem herself.