Little Green Ghouls, Buddy!

Last night was Halloween and once again I found myself without a costume. This wasn't my fault, though, because I was supposed to work 8am-8pm while Kier and DC were on a boat trip and I figured there was absolutely no way I was going to want to go out after that. Turns out that the boat trip fell through and I was only working the morning shift.

So what to be as last minute costumes? Well, Kier pulled off an epic replication of the pregnant prom queen. Greg wore the deflated St. Pauli girl fat suit (without the blower in it) and somehow didn't sweat himself into oblivion. Austin pulled out an old Turkey costume that he had in the closet (might have to borrow that for Thanksgiving). And for the most obscure costume of the night: DC was Nightman. Nightman is a character from Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia that wears all black, has mascara eyes, snaps/hisses when he walks, and is a master of karate. Only three people the entire night knew who Nightman was, and mind you that includes the five people in our group. His mortal enemy is Dayman, and I wanted nothing more than to go as Dayman and balance the force of the night. Here they are in battle:


Unfortunately when I moved down here I forgot to bring my off-white full body pajamas and black junk protector, so I had to move onto other ideas.

What I ended up going with was two Styrofoam plates taped together like a clam shell and hung that from the button of my shirt. The front of the Styro-clam said "What's the forecast?" and inside I wrote "cloudy with a chance of cock" and had an arrow pointed down. I actually got the idea from Greg, and I went with it because my dear friend Jose Cuervo told me it was a great plan and that girls would love it. Jose was wrong.

I could have just gone as Helen Keller, because for all intents and purposes I was deaf, blind and mute. I was like Barry Badrinath from Beerfest. It was a typical night out, and by that I mean it was the most incredibly epic Halloween ever. At one point Kier decided she had enough fun for one evening and tried falling asleep on the sidewalk. Kicking and screaming, she resisted as DC and I tried to get her on her feet and into a taxi home. The security guard of the development came over, obviously thinking we were trying to take advantage of her. He ended up giving her a ride home (score, free taxi!) and we went to Hubbly Bubbly to root for Austin in the costume competition.

It was down to two costumes - Austin as a turkey, and a dude with three girls as the four seasons. I'm not talking about the legendary doo-wop group front-manned by Frankie Valli, I'm talking about the actual seasons. DC found out that the first prize was a $500 gift certificate, and upon hearing this replied with an unprompted "gaaaaaay". Austin ended up as the first runner up and we headed back to Fat Turtle because clearly Hubbly had no idea what a good costume was.

Later in the night, DC was talking to a hot bumble bee when I came up and interrupted the conversation with "I'm the owner of this joint and I know this guy and he is LOADED. (Turning to DC) Sir, we have the milk boiling in the back the way you like it." I then walked away, but DC told her that their conversation had hit a high point and ended things right then and there. Somehow, mysteriously, Rae Rae was in his arms when he woke up this morning. Neither of us can recollect seeing her at all on Halloween night.